Hetalia Crack Fic

Chapter 1: And That's How Babies Are Made

~Reader's POV~

You had no clue why you were here.
See, America had invited you over to his house for what he called "The Most Amazing Party in The History of Parties". You were never the partying type, but one of your good friends, Cross, was going.
You stood on the doorstep, contemplating ringing the doorbell. Taking a deep breath, you pressed the button.
"THE CHICKEN DOODLES ARE HERE!"
...what?
The door opens so quickly you almost toppled over, and came face to face with America.
And he had a pizza slice on his head.
"Um...hey Alfred, what's with that pizza-?"
"Omaigod! You're like, [Name] right? DUDETTE. I've wanted your autograph since...like...EVER," he started jumping up and down and dancing.
"What-"
You were going to ask Al what in the world he was talking about when you were dragged into the party. As soon as you turned around-
"I'M GONNA USE MY TELEPORTATION MAGIC!" America shouted and disappeared with a poof. You were seriously confused. Something outside caught your eye and you pressed your face up against the window to see America riding what looked like a big purple dinosaur. They were heading to the moon, as they disappeared all together.
Okay. Now, you were freaked out. You had to hurry and tell someone you just saw America ride Barney to the moon.
Suddenly-you see Austria.
"Oh hello Roderich! Didn't know you were the partying type-"
"OMG. You're like, [Name] right? I've like, seen you sometimes hanging out with like, the other countries. We should like, totes become best friends. Like, TOTES!" Austria said in a perfect Poland voice.
Okay. You were scared now.
"Um...Austria? Why do you sound like Poland?" you asked, your eyes as wide as basketballs.
"Poland? Like, that guy is like, totes uncool-"
"I'm going to express how angry I am with this piano!"
Suddenly, fierce piano playing echoed throughout the room as you turned to see-
Poland played the piano.
"Did you two switch personalities or w-"
The two immediately fainted.
Austria was lying on the ground, his glasses askew while Poland fell on his piano dramatically and the sound vibrated throughout the room.
"KESESESESESESESE~"
You knew that laugh anywhere. It was Prussia.
Prussia leaned down next to Austria and scribbled something quickly across his face. When he stood up fully, you saw a crudely drawn turtle on Austria's cheek.
"Gilbert...what are you doing? And what's going on? Why did Poland and Austria faint? And I just saw America ride a-"
"Frau! Would you like a qwertyuiop?" he asked excitedly.
"...what in the world is a qwertyuiop?" you asked, trembling nervously.
England magically appeared in between you two and offered you something. "This is a qwertyuiop!" Arthur exclaimed excitedly.
You look at the thing in his hands.
It was bright orange, had legs, and was moving.
It was moving.
It was covered in slime.
"W-WHA? ENGLAND I DON'T WANT SOME MUTATED-"
"Mutated? It's a special dessert I whipped up-"
"D-DESSERT?! IT HAS LEGS! IT'S OOZING SLIME! IT'S FREAKING MOVING FOR GOD'S SAKE!" you screeched hysterically.
Prussia, England, Austria, and Poland were all carried away by a chocolate sprinkled donut.
They disappeared in a flash.
Okay. Now you are terrified. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING HERE?!
"[Name]?"
You turned to see Cross.
"Oh hey! I finally found you! You wouldn't believe what I just saw-"
Cross rolled her eyes, “Let me guess. You walked through the door and saw America with a pizza slice on his face. He then magically teleported onto Barney and rode off toward the moon. You then saw Austria and Poland who had apparently switched personalities and they fainted. Prussia and England offered you a qwertyuiop, and the four were all carried away by a chocolate sprinkled donut."
"YES! YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU SAW ALL THAT?!" you asked excitedly.
"[Name] did you have any alcohol or anything? You're acting strange..."
"HOP ON CROSS AND [Name]!"
The two of you turned to see: Italy, Romano, Germany, Japan, America, England, France, China, Russia, Austria, Hungary, Spain, Switzerland, Poland, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, Korea, Turkey, Greece, Egypt, Sweden, Finland, Prussia, Canada, Sealand, Belarus, Lichtenstein, Ukraine, Holy Roman Empire, Germania, Ancient Rome, Hong Kong, Seychelles, Belgium, Monaco, Netherlands, Taiwan, Denmark, Norway, Iceland, Romania, Cuba, Seborga, Bulgaria, Thailand, Vietnam, Australia, Scotland, Portugal, New Zealand, Wy, and India.
They were riding a huge My Little Pony.
"OH HELL YEAH!" Cross shouted and jumped onto the My Little Pony, situating herself between England and America.
"B-But I though America was...England and Prussia...they were-" you muttered.
"COME ON [Name]! RainbowDash is getting pissed ya' know!" Cross gave a whoop.
You shrugged. Oh what the hell.
You grabbed a plate of sushi and jumped onto the My Little Pony situating youself between [1stFavCountry] and [2ndFavCountry].
You all shot up into the heavens by farting out rainbows while Barney trailed along, farting out chocolate chip cookies.
And that my friends, are how babies are made.

~Fin~